Through the Dreams of an Insomniac...
by Opal Amari
Summary: I am an insomniac... FEAR ME!!! Seriously though, this was a real dream I had starring the Animorphs. I liked it so much, I turned it into a fanfic! PG for mild swearing and upcoming toliet humor. R&R!
1. Hanni + Insomnia = Disaster

(A/n) Wow! I can't believe it! I actually wrote an Animorph fic!!! Okay, so it's actually I dream I had on 2/24/02... but it was pretty funny, although it didn't really make sense... bah, who cares? Nothing makes sense on this site anyway. Don't read it if you aren't used to insanity. 

Oh, and I don't own Animorphs!!! You should know that if I did:

Cassie and Jake would be married.

Rachel wouldn't have died.

Tobias would be happy.

Ax (the Andalite) would own the Cinnabon Company.

And Ax (the FF author) would have Marco all to herself.

(A/n) [This first part doesn't make sense whatsoever, but it was in the dream, and I'm adding it anyway cause it kinda involves the scene of the fic. I'm only doing self-insertion for this part of the fic cause it occurred in the dream and I need to anyway. And I mean no offense to any of the Animorphs. I love them all! So DON'T HURT ME!!!]

ONE LAST THING, I PROMISE!!!

[ anything in here are actions by the characters ]

( anything in here are quick author's notes )

thoughtspeech symbols work again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** SCENE I **

[Inside some Old Navy in the mall...]

HANNI B: Gee, now that I have a million dollars (?), what should I spend it on???

[She sees a sale on big purple squares] 

Ooh, I'll by big purple squares!!! 

[She starts piling the big purple squares onto the conveyor belt]

CASHIER: That'll be $15,247 and 63 cents.

[The big purple squares roll down the conveyor belt, off the conveyor belt, and into a hole in the floor that just appeared there.]

HB: Oh, darn. Now I'll have to go blow the rest of my fortune on useless crap, frivolous objects, and Spyro merchandise. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** SCENE II **

[Outside the mall...]

[Jake, Cassie, Marco, Rachel (yes, Rachel. She ain't dead here!) Tobias (hawk) and Ax (human) are standing in a large crowd outside the mall.]

JAKE: Looks like there is some kind of havoc being wrecked inside the mall.

CASSIE: Maybe the Yeerks are building a new pool!!!

RACHEL: If they even THINK about building it over the Banana Republic... (OOC, I know -_-")

[Suddenly, time freezes. "Clint Eastwood" starts playing, and the Ellimist appears at the time the big ghosty guy would in the music video] 

(A/n) This didn't really happen, but I had to add some pizzazz to this fic!)

ELLIMIST: [music stops] GREETINGS, ANIMORPHS...

MARCO: Hey, how come you get to talk in capital letters?

ELLIMIST: BECAUSE I'M A PRACTICALLY DEAD BEING PERMANENTLY TRAPPED IT THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM, YOU MORON.

MARCO: I wanna talk in caps too!!!

ELLIMIST: SO HOW ABOUT IF WE DESTROY YOUR WHOLE RACE, SAVE YOU ALONE, TURN YOU INTO A HALF LIVING, HALF MACHINE CREATURE AND SEND YOU ON A PLEASANT LITTLE TRIP THROUGH A BLACK HOLE WHERE THE CHANCES OF YOU ENDING UP LIKE ME ARE A TRILLION TO ONE?

MARCO: Hell yeah!!!

ELLIMIST: (sigh) I GIVE UP... CRAYAK, FILL IN FOR ME!!!

[Ellimist disappears and Crayak takes his place]

CRAYAK: Mwahahahahaaaaaa!!! Bow before me, pitiful mortals!!!

Wait a minute...[Looks at Rachel]  Something's not right here... [Figures out the problem.] HEY! Why aren't I talking in caps??? 

[Ellimist reappears and pushes Crayak out of the way.]

ELLIMIST: ON SECOND THOUGHT, I'LL STAY.

AX: Hey bub! Spill it! I have a date with a steaming pastry coated with cinnamon and artificially flavored cream!!!

ELLIMIST: OH YES, YOUR ASSIGNMENT... [He flips through some papers.]

WELL, AS IT IS, SOME CLUMSY AUTHOR *cough cough HANNI cough* MANAGED TO IDIOTICALLY CLOG UP THE DRAINAGE IN THE MALL. YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT: FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS PROBLEM, AND UNDO IT, SO THAT I MAY BE ABLE TO RUN MY JACUZZI AGAIN.

RACHEL: Let's do it!

EVERYONE: "How did we know..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** SCENE III **

[Into the mall...]   

[The Ellimist has un-frozen time.]

TOBIAS: I get the feeling we're being watched...[Everyone in the mall is staring at the hawk riding on Rachel's shoulder.]

[A security guard comes up.]

GUARD: Excuse me Miss. Is that a hawk?

[Tobias quickly morphs into a tied- up rope with ripped ends.]

TOBIAS: Uh... no, I'm a frayed knot.

GUARD: Oh. Carry on then. [Walks away. Tobias demorphs.]

JAKE: Phew, that was close! Let's go see if we can find the opening to the pipe system in the mall.

CASSIE: [Looking at a mall directory.] Hey, look, it says that the entrance is located in the local Borders.

RACHEL: Let's do it! 

[They arrive in Borders.]

AX: Were do we start? S-s-tart. Art. Funny sounds.

MARCO: Hey, maybe we can ask her!

[Marco points at a girl pulling books out of a bookshelf, who, by the fault of her subconscious, happens to be Hanni.)

HB: Oh, hallo!

[Ax demorphs and raises his tail blade.]

AX: Okay little pig, squeal. How do we get into the pipe system?(Once again, OOC. Sorry.) 

HB: Geez, a simple "Please" would do the trick.

JAKE: What he means is, we're on-

HB: Yes, I know. I dreamed this up, remember?

RACHEL: Oh yeah... Crap, so you mean I'm only alive in the dream?

HB: Well, yes, technically... but also in the imaginations and hearts and FanFics of millions of Animorph fans around the world!!!

RACHEL: Pfffft, it's not like I can do stuff out of free will in those imaginations and hearts and FanFics...

MARCO: [Places his hand over her mouth.] Oh, stop complaining Xena. 

[This action results in Rachel attacking Marco, the furious shriek of "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!" and the fight that ensues with lots of screaming and threatening. Cassie, Tobias, and Ax try to break the two up.]

JAKE: [Ignoring the fight.] So how did this blockage begin?

*{*{ FLASHBACK TO SCENE I }*}*

HB: My suspicions are that Visser 3 is behind this.

JAKE: Duh.

HB: Either him or that Whangdoodle that won't stop following me around...

JAKE: ... Riiiiight... so how do we get to the pipe system?

[Hanni pulls out a book from her stack. It has a picture of a beautiful beach with a pale sky and perfect clear waters and palm trees and sand. (A/n) This really happened in the dream!!!]  

HB: Why, Jake, you and the other Animorphs always had the power to get to the pipe system! Just take this book and get all the others to hold it with you. Then close your eyes, quack three times, and scream, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE ZERO-SPACE!!!"

JAKE: [Shrugs.] Okay. Thanks! 

HB: Hey, no prob. Just remember, if you need me, I won't be around, cause I'm going to Insomniac studios!!!** [She turns around and tries to walk through the wall. No success.] Ow! Crud monkeys... I KNEW the 'your brain never lets you feel pain' theory was a lie... [Walks away.]

JAKE:[To the others.] Hey!!! Get over here!!!

[Cassie and Ax managed to separate Rachel, who's hair is all frizzy and is wearing a furious scowl, and Marco, who is scratched, bruised, and bleeding in several places. Yet, the wounds heal and disappear, cause it happened in the dream!]

JAKE: Everyone, grab onto the book and repeat after me!!!

[Cassie, Ax, Rachel, Tobias, and a healed Marco all grab a free space of the book. Then they close their eyes, quack 3 times, and scream, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE ZERO-SPACE!!!" Suddenly, the world swirls around them, and they are falling... falling... faaaaaaaaaaallling... Oh what a world!!!]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(A/n) I'm gonna finish this in another chapter, cause it's too long for this chapter alone. I promise it will be up before the month is out!!! (I hope...)

Oh, and I love reviews. PLEASE!!! I want to get at least 2 good reviews. And if for any reason you don't like what I dreamt up, blame ONLY my SUBCONSCIOUS!!! (Cause it's her fault, that's why!!!) Thank you all so much for whatever you write!!! 

Hanni B

TCLDOW

** This is from another dream, really. I just shoved it in there for an excuse to go away.


	2. Fun in the Sun!!!

Yup, Part 2 now up! You know the disclaimer drill. If you don't, tough. Let those Egyptian half-leopard, half-lawyer things sue the pants off you, especially if you aren't wearing pants.

I mean no offense to the Animorphs, as they all are the greatest, so blame my SUBCONSCIOUS if you have any complaints. Not me. I have no control over my dreams. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes it isn't. Most times it isn't. Like that time in the Lemon Drops Factory...

And just to those of you who didn't understand why Tobias morphed into a "frayed knot", it's a pun. A tied up rope with ripped ends is a "frayed knot". But the security guard asked, "Is that a hawk?" And Tobias replied, {Uh, no, I'm a frayed knot.} It sounds like "I'm afraid not!!!" Get it? A Frayed knot? Afraid not??? Wahahaaaaaa!!!!

And from the last chapter, Insomniac Studios is the amazing place which created "Spyro the Dragon." Bless them...

Once again:

[Anything here is actions in the story]

(Anything here are quick author notes)

** SCENE IV **

[Swirling somewhere in the big crap hole of time and space...]

JAKE: No air!!!

CASSIE: No gravity!!!

AX: No cinnamon buns!!!! The horror!!!

RACHEL: I think I'm gonna be sick!!!

[At those words, the Animorphs land on the beautiful beach in the picture.]

ALL: Wow...

MARCO: See? Why couldn't we end up at places like this everytime the Ellimist send us on pointless missions?

RACHEL: [starts to say something, then stops] Okay, I don't like this dream. If I can't think of a snappy comeback that will crush Marco's hopes and dreams, why even be alive?

MARCO: You aren't, Rachel.

RACHEL: What's worse is that his wounds heal everytime I hurt him!!!

[Tobias is ignoring this conversation, staring at two huge boulders.]

TOBIAS: Those are some big boulders...

JAKE: I suggest we move them!

MARCO: Why?

JAKE: Because... because I want to move them! If they are moved, we might find something! Like, I dunno, tropical drinks or animals that we could acquire for one-use morphing. 

AX: Or cinnamon buns, Prince Jake?

JAKE: Don't call me "Prince." (I had to include that AT LEAST once in this fic...)

AX: Yes Prince Jake.

JAKE: Rrrrrrg.... WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT??? (Too many OOCs...)

MARCO: Oh, so now YOU get to talk in caps too?

JAKE: [slaps his hand to his forehead.] Look, the point is, we have to find the pipe system so that we can waste our time on a pointless mission, obviously run by the Yeerks, and undo it so that the mall toilets won't regurgitate those mall hot dogs. 

CASSIE: So what are we supposed to do?

JAKE: [points to the boulders.] We have to move those boulders.

[Suddenly, two wrench shaped hologram thingies appear and float above Marco and Rachel's heads.]

RACHEL: Whoa... what the hell are those things?

MARCO: [Tries to bat it away.] You think maybe it's a new Yeerk host?

[All stare at him.]

CASSIE: It's transparent. No force field. And it's a WRENCH. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that it is, in fact, NOT a new host. Geez...

[Then, the world shifts perspectives. If you've ever played the GameBoy version of Animorphs, it's very much like that, with the wrench things still hanging over the heads of Marco and Rachel. This all happened in the dream, too, especially the GameBoy perspective.]

JAKE: [He and the others are unaware of the change of perspective.] Okay, Marco and Rachel, I'm assuming that wrench stands for "work."

MYSTERIOUS VOICE #1: OH, VERY GOOD JAKE!! HE'S FIGURED IT OUT IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES!!! SO THE LEERAN PLANET WON'T GET BLOWN INTO OBLIVION!!! HA HA HAAAA!!!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE #2: Curse you Jake!!! Darn Rules...

AX: What the...

MYSTERIOUS VOICE #1: UH... YOU DIDN'T HEAR NOTHIN'. BYE!!!

[Voices silence.]

JAKE: 'Right then, start moving those boulders!!!

[In this next part, Marco morphs gorilla and Rachel morphs elephant. They move the boulders individually. It looks as if you were playing the game in the GameBoy perspective and had to take turns moving the boulders. Pretty strange when you picture it.]

[Once the boulders are moved, Marco and Rachel demorph. Perspective shifts back.]

CASSIE: Hey, look!!! [She points to a trap door that was under one of the boulders.]

TOBIAS: I bet that door leads to the pipe system.

EVERYONE ELSE: Duh... [The sign on the door says, "THIS WAY TO THE MALL PIPE SYSTEM, WHERE PLUMBERS GO TO UNCLOG THINGS."]

RACHEL: How specific!

MARCO: [grumbling] Even the door gets to talk in caps...

** SCENE V **

[Inside the pipe system...]

MARCO: I have this impending feeling of doom...

RACHEL: You always do, don't you Marco?

MARCO: Did I mention this was INSANE???

JAKE: No, but if Ax is going to say "Prince Jake" and I'm going to say "Don't call me Prince" and Rachel's gonna say "Let's do it", then obviously we aren't going to continue without saying your catchphrase.

TOBIAS: Hey, how come Cassie and I don't have catchphrases?

JAKE: Because you two were the only ones who had dreams back in #4, so the rest of us get catchphrases.

CASSIE: No fair!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE #1: JUST SAY THE DARN PHRASE ALREADY MARCO!!!!

MARCO: Fine... This is INSANE!!!

JAKE: Much better. Let's continue...

[And so they continue through the dark, smelly, dank, reeking, wet, diseased pipe systems... WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???]

Okay, so I lied. I'll continue to a third chapter, and if the dream is exceptionally long, a fourth. Y'know, just in case I dream up a sequel. THANK YOU!!!!

MARCO: Even the narrator gets to talk in caps!!!

Uh... quiet you. 


	3. Who lives in a Tiki head under the sea?

Oh look, Chapter 3 is up. Woooooohooooooo. (I'm tired, and I haven't been having good dreams lately...)

Thanx to all who reviewed since I first posted, and you know I mean no real harm to Marco or the others. (Don't hurt me Ax...) It's my subconscious's fault! It's evil, I tell you!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeevil!!! (Except for all those great Spyro dreams... and that rather pleasant dream with Coltrane in it... *dreamy look*)

Lesse, what scene was it?... Oh yeah...

** SCENE VI **

[Sloshing somewhere through the deep, dark, ugly pipe system of the mall...]

MARCO: Man, I hate this place.

CASSIE: Who doesn't?

AX: [Sarcastically] I find the feeling of diseased, rat-waste-infested waters seeping up my hoof quite pleasant.

RACHEL: He got it from you, Marco.

JAKE: I really hate Ax's sense of humor.

CASSIE: Who doesn't?

[The Animorphs turn and end up in an area made up of oddly assorted wooden structures.]

TOBIAS: Do you get the feeling we're being watched?

JAKE: Aren't we always??? [Points to the direction of the reader.]

[There is a sudden screech and a Taxxon bursts from one of the wooden walls.]

TAXXON: Scccccccreeeeeeeeeeerreereeeeeeeee-hack! hack! Screee-cough! Ack... [Whips out a cough drop and devours it.] Ahhhhh, better. Now then... SCCDREEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEREREREEREREREEEEEE!!!!

MARCO: Okay, when even a vile Taxxon gets to talk in caps, that's when I get ticked!!!

JAKE: Everyone, let's try and take out this Taxxon without actually breaking Cassie's moral codes!!!

RACHEL: In other words, let's run, instead of morphing.

JAKE: Exactly!!!

RACHEL: Screw this, I'm morphing! [Morphs grizzly bear] Roooooooooooaaaar!!!

CASSIE: There's only one way to take out this Taxxon! We must do the Cha-cha slide whilst attacking him!

[All stare at her.]

CASSIE: Just do it!!! [Morphs wolf.]

[Marco morphs gorilla, and Tobias and Jake stay as they are. Jake's the DJ.]

JAKE: Ah, the hell with it... [rapping] This is somethin' new, the Casper slide part 2. Featuring the Platinum Band, and this time we're gonna get funky......... funky....

[All other launch themselves at the Taxxon while Cha-cha sliding.]

JAKE: To the left, take it back now y'all. Slide to the left, slide to the right...

[Rachel slides to the left, and her claws punctures a pipe, sending a large amount of pressured water straight at the Taxxon.]

TAXXON: [Exploding.] Sccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

TOBIAS: Is it just me, or did that thing just say "screw you"?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE #1: YES IT DID.

CASSIE: ................... Shut... up.

[Meanwhile, the water continues shooting through the pipe, knocking down the wooden structures.]

RACHEL: Run!!!

[All run through the hole left by the Taxxon. They arrive in a wooden room, with nothing but a toilet in it.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** SCENE VII **

[In the toilet room...]

[ They all demorph. However, no one seems to notice that Ax has morphed....]

ALL except AX: Squidward????

[Yes, Ax has morphed Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants.]

AX: [In Squidward's voice.] Do you like my new morph? I don't know where I got it, or what it is, but it's got four legs (Did anyone notice that Squidward's legs are actually 2 tentacles each?) and I feel more comfortable in this sewer. [Does that funny laugh were his nose inflates like an accordion.]

JAKE: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

MARCO: Did you know that was the second time you said that in this fic?

JAKE: Really? So it is...

TOBIAS: Did anyone notice that we have no way out of this room?

JAKE: Sure we do!!! [Points to toilet.]

MARCO: You're crazy, you know that? No way I'm flushing myself down the crapper.

JAKE: We don't have a choice. Let's go!

CASSIE: Uh, Jake?

[Too late. Jake flush's himself down the toilet.]

RACHEL: Let's do it! [She grabs Tobias and flushes herself]

CASSIE: Guys?

TOBIAS: Auuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhh!!! glub glub glub... 

[Ax flushes himself so that all his tentacles trail behind him and notebook paper flutters out of nowhere. Just Marco and Cassie are left.]

CASSIE: Sigh… 

[She and Marco walk through the door, where Jake, Rachel, Ax, and a VERY angry Tobias sit, dripping with water and biological waste]

MARCO: Ewwww...

CASSIE: Pleasant trip?

TOBIAS: Rule #1: You NEVER get a hawk wet. Rule #2: You NEVER cover a hawk in human crap.

RACHEL: Stop complaining. That was fun!!!

ALL: Only Rachel.

[Then, suddenly, that chilling thought speech flows through the pipes, sending shivers down the Animorphs' spines. That foul voice, spewing out those vile words...]

EVIL VOICE: Got any threes?

AX: [still Squidward] Visser Three!!! Lemme at him!!! [Other Animorphs grab him as he heads towards the evil voice.]

RACHEL: Whoa there. We still need to think of a plan.

MARCO: Doth thine ears deceive me? Did I just hear Rachel hold back from a battle to strategize? 

RACHEL: In two seconds Marco, you won't have ears.

TOBIAS: Hey, stop fighting. We should just see what he's doing.

[They all peek around the corner, where Visser Three, some random Human-Controller, and two Hork-Bajir Controllers sit playing cards. One Hork-Bajir is cowering before an enraged Visser.]  

VISSER THREE: WHAT??? No threes? I shall feed you to the Taxxon!!! Say, where is he? He should have brought my Shirley Temple by now.

HUMAN-CONTROLLER: Um... probably looking for some more Maraschino cherries, sir.

VISSER THREE: Good. I hope he remembered the little umbrella. Being evil is hard work. 

[Back with the Animorphs...]

JAKE: Okay, so he's defiantly behind this-

CASSIE: We have no proof though!!!

JAKE: Well, he still screwed up a lot of other things in this town anyway, so let's go kick his butt.

RACHEL: Now we're talking!!!

MARCO: Weren't we talking anyway? 

RACHEL:...........

TOBIAS: Whatever, let's go kick his sorry blue ass!!!

[They all morph battle morphs, save for Ax who demorphs and jump out at the Yeerks.]

JAKE: Okay Visser, time to pull the plug on your plans!!! Hey, that was a good pun. Must remember that...

RACHEL: Come on and fight, you big coward!

VISSER THREE: Oh, it's you. Go away, I have a bet going on dominating East Asia. I can't lose!

HUMAN-CONTROLLER: [Whispers something in the Visser's ear.]

VISSER THREE: You're absolutely right!!! Okay, Andalite bandits, I'll fight you! Under one condition however...

MARCO: [Privately] Why does that scare me...

VISSER THREE: ... You may only morph cartoon characters!!!! [Diabolical laughter.]

ANIMORPHS: D'oh...

HB: Gee, who saw a fourth chapter coming? [Raises hand.] Okey dokey, better get started, especially since I woke up right about this scene. Ooooh, you guys can help me!!!

::: MUST READ:::

So, you want to help me? Here's how. I need everyone who wants to help to e-mail me one cartoon character for each of the Animorphs (Not including Ax, since we know who he is ^_^). Also, YOU MUST send it under the following title

DREAM FIC CHARS.

Otherwise, I might accidentally delete it, what with all the Spam I get. Please, PLEASE send in names!!! I really need the help!!! I forgot what happened next!!! 

Oh yeah, and you'll get credit for each character used that you submitted. 

THANK YOU, GOOD NIGHT!!!


	4. Irate Llama A title completely irrelivan...

            Well, I wrote the 4th chapter, but the lengthy wait is due to the fact that I was grounded (Stupid GPA…) and that only _two_ people sent in character ideas (THANK YOU AX AND OTHER PERSON WHO'S NAME I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!) and I threw in a few of my own.

Jake – Mandark (Dexter's Lab)

Marco – Mojo Jojo (Boo-hah!)

Cassie – Smokey the Bear

Rachel – Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls)

Ax – Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants)

Tobias – Samurai Jack

Enjooooooyy!!!

** SCENE VIII **

[Preparing for the big fight…]

[Animorphs plan their new epic battle.]

JAKE: Where in the hell are we going to find cartoon character morphs??? 

TOBIAS: It's impossible! 

RACHEL: There ain't no way I'm morphing something 2 dimensional. 

CASSIE: Where, dare I ask, are we going to find cartoon characters to acquire anyway? They are impossible to acquire! 

ELLIMIST: [Popping up mysteriously.] AU CONTRAIRE.

MARCO: [startled] Stop doing that!!! 

ELLIMIST: NEVER!!! BEE IN YOUR BONNETS, ANIMORPHS?

AX: What's a bonnet? 

ELLIMIST: NEVER MIND, PRIMITIVE ANDALITE. THIS IS ADVANCED **HUMAN **TECHNOLOGY.

AX: Seeing is believing. 

[Ellimist pulls out a bag of comic books, video games, and videos.]

ELLIMIST: OBSERVE. JUST SELECT A CARTOON AND ACQUIRE IT AS YOU WOULD NORMALLY ACQUIRE ANY ANIMAL. OH, WHAT NOW ANDALITE? ["Whatever" Finger snapping… thing.]

AX: *Gasp*! My poor ego… (I'm so cruel… but I've been so annoyed with Ax snuffing our "primitive technology"! Oh wait, is he talking about my computer? Ne'er mind then.)

ELLIMIST: I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU TO PLAY WITH YOUR TOYS THEN… GOOD BYYYYYEEE…. [Big, misty exit.] CRAYAK, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TAKEN MY LAY-Z-BOY!!!

[Animorphs demorph and investigate the objects]

CASSIE: We can't do this; these cartoon characters are sentient creatures!!!

[All stare at her.]

MARCO: You know what? This time we're just going to ignore you.

CASSIE: But… but… ah, screw it.

[Animorphs acquire what they need to.]

RACHEL: Right then, let's do it!

MARCO: You know what we need? Cheerleaders. Yeah, lots of hot, sexy cheerleaders. Know what I'm saying Rachel?

RACHEL: Oh, stuff it Marco. 

JAKE: …. *groan*

[They all morph their cartoon. In case you can't remember or you're too lazy to move your mouse back to the top of the fic, Jake is Mandark, Marco is Mojo Jojo, Cassie is Smokey the Bear, Rachel is Buttercup, Tobias is Samurai Jack, and Ax is Squidward.]

** SCENE IX **

[The big fight, the gangbang, the battle, the placement of one team against another in a bloodbath, etc…]

JAKE: [Mandark voice] Let's blow this sewer! [Mandark laugh] Ah hah hah! Ah hah hah hah hah! [Repeats for some time.]

RACHEL: Hah! I am as strong as I… hey! I'm a shrimp! This bites.

MARCO: I am MOJO JOJO!!! Now THIS is more like it! 

TOBIAS: I am Samurai Jack. I will defeat the Visser by using the elements to aide me in his destruction!

AX: Remember, you must try to over come the powerful cartoon instincts!!! [Muttering] Primitive Andalite, eh? I'll show him primitive…

CASSIE: Instincts… too strong… [Struggles] Can't… control… instincts…

TOBIAS: What instincts?

CASSIE: Only who can prevent forest fires? [Holds up signs saying "You" and "Me".]

MARCO: [Points to "You".]

CASSIE: You selected "You", referring to me. That is incorrect.  (That was a complete rip-off of a "Simpsons" joke.) Everyone, hug a tree!

TOBIAS: Those aren't instincts.

RACHEL: Forget instincts, let's go kick the **** out of Visser Three!

VISSER THREE: Foolish Andalites! Hork-Bajir! Attack! 

[Waves of Hork-Bajir pile into the room.]

MARCO: Hey! You're chickening out! 

VISSER: No I'm not! I'm just letting my less important… minions fight you while I supervise. 

AX: In other words, you're going to sit there grooming your ego.

VISSER: Yes, pretty much. Bah, enough of your breath. ATTACK!!! 

[Hork-Bajir and Animorphs engage in battle.]

[Over in Jakes corner…]

JAKE: Hah! With my superior intellect and abnormally large head, I will defeat Dexter… I mean, you Hork-Bajir! [Engages in a girly slap-a-thon.]

[With Cassie…]

CASSIE: [to Hork-Bajir] If we all work together, we can keep landscapers from destroying precious redwoods and other trees that provide delicious bark!

[Hork-Bajir close in on her.]

CASSIE: Did I mention that there was delicious bark?

[With Rachel…]

[Rachel is flying through the Hork-Bajir, disemboweling several of them.]

RACHEL: It ain't easy being green! Uh… I mean… DIE!!! [Proceeds to beat the crap out of the Hork-Bajir]

[With Marco…]

MARCO: Mwahahahaaa!!! I am Mojo Jojo!!! While I have a superior brain, you have weak, simple-minded brains! Try wrapping a slug around a brain this size! You can't! Because it's too big! Because my cranium is too large for your pathetic little Yeerks, you will never succeed in capturing m-OOF!!! [Gets punched in the face.]

[With Tobias…]

TOBIAS: Cower while I make leaves blow randomly in your direction! [Leaves blow randomly at Hork-Bajir.]

[Hork-Bajir unfazed.]

TOBIAS: Uh oh…

[With Ax…]

[Ax is cornered.]

AX: Alright, since I don't have my tail with me, I'll just have to hit you with my really big nose! [Swings his nose around, slamming into several Hork-Bajir.]

**SCENE X**

[With Visser Three…]

VISSER: [Grooming his ego] Curse you Andalites! 

  
HUMAN-CONTROLLER: Yeah, who knew cartoon characters could be so powerful!!

VISSER: Oh no! What are they doing now? 

[Animorphs group up.]

JAKE: Okay team; get ready for our special group attack! Ah hah ha! Ah hah hah hah ha!

RACHEL: Ready? UNITE!

[Animorphs join remaining appendages.]

ANIMORPHS: MERCHANDISING ATTACK!!!

[Flashy lights]

[Really crappy toys based on the cartoon characters (and even some crappy Animorphs toys) appear in toilet room.]

TAXXON-WHO-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN-BLOWN-TO-PIECES-BY-THE-WATER-PREASSURE: Hey everyone! Look! Bootleg porn! Uh… I mean… crappy paraphernalia! 

ALL HORK-BAJIR: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! [All rush into toilet room.]

RANDOM HORK-BAJIR #1: I'm gonna get me Talking Mojo Jojo Toothbrush!

RANDOM HORK-BAJIR #2: Me get Squidward ice-shaving machine!

HUMAN CONTROLLER: I'm getting realistic Samurai Jack sparring sword, as sharp as real as possible™!

[Animorphs and Visser left in room.]

VISSER: A smart move Andalites! But not smart enough! [Begins his dramatic descent. Slips. Falls.]

JAKE: Oh yeah, that was REAL smart.

VISSER: $@#&%!!!

CASSIE: Potty-mouth!

VISSER: Hah! I don't have a mouth! Shows how much you know!

CASSIE: ……… What? [Confused]

VISSER: Well, Andalites, it appears that only one of you will fight against me.

RACHEL: What makes you say that, punk?

VISSER: Duh. Because I know your Andalite code of honor. I have this geezer for a host.

JAKE: [privately to others] Damn, he's right. We must keep our identity a secret by making him believe that we are really Andalites, until the fifth to end book in which we wind up in a tail-spin which leads to a very crappy ending. 

RACHEL: But which of us shall fight him? 

MARCO: I will, for I am the hairiest.

TOBIAS: No, I will, for I have to honor my dead father.

AX: No, I will, for I have a very large nose. Oh yeah, and he killed my brother.

CASSIE: No, I will, because he started a fire and didn't put it out!

RACHEL: No, I will, because I am the most ruthless and chances are that if I kill him now, I won't end up dying later on in the end of the series.

HANNI B: I decree that Tobias shall.

MARCO: Where the bleeping hell did you come from???

HB: Plot-hole. [Holds up Plot-Hole Wand™, borrowed from the Charmander plushie] The most important part of any crappy fic!!!

JAKE: Very well, Tobias shall go, by the decree of the Plot-Hole Wand™!!!

ALL EXCEPT JAKE AND TOBIAS: Aw man…

**SCENE XI**

[The smaller fight against Samurai Jack (Tobias) and Visser Three…]

TOBIAS: Are you ready, fiend?

VISSER: Of course I am, you pony tailed dolt.

[Close-up of Tobias/Samurai Jack's eyes narrowing, like in the cartoon.]

TOBIAS: That does it… SUPER FUNKY WOODEN SHOE ATTACK!!!! [Jumps at Visser with his freaky wooden shoes.]

VISSER: Hah hah! [Slices Jack's pointy hat that always seems to be fixed right down the middle.]

TOBIAS: … You have made a powerful enemy, my friend…

JAKE: [Off sides.] Wasn't that an oxymoron?

TOBIAS: That's the final straw! AWSOME FLAT ANIMATION ATTACK!!! [Animation begins to resemble that of the SJ show.]

VISSER: Ack! My four ping-pong eyes cannot comprehend this strange turn of events!!! [Falls down.]

TOBIAS: [Points sword at Visser's neck.] This ends here.

VISSER: [Gasping] Before you give me a paper cut with that 2d thing, I have something to tell you. Andalite… I am your father…

TOBIAS: [Quivering.] W-what?

RACHEL: [Off sides] He's lying! 

VISSER: Let's face it. Can you really tell the difference between ANY Andalites???

ALL EXCEPT AX: No.

AX: Hey!

TOBIAS: [Lowers sword] I was wrong to try and kill you, father.

VISSER: [Quickly gets to his feet and presses his blade to Tobias's neck] Actually, I'm not really your father, you fool. You've been tricked again!!! Mwahahahahaaaaa!!! [To the other Animorphs] One move and your friend here dies. Which he will anyway!!! Ah, being evil is great!!!

[It looks as if hope is lost. Visser has Tobias at his mercy, and the Animorphs are helpless to stop him!!!! What will happen???? Auuuuugh, the humanity!!! And he's not even human!!!]

VISSER: Mwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!! Mwahhahahahaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaah!!!! [Disappears suddenly.]

ANIMORPHS: What the…?

[They look and what do they find? The most unexpected thing possible! No way this could ever have happened! Visser Three, Leader of the Yeerk Invasion on Earth, has been defeated by a simple…]

HANNI B: Plot-hole!!! [Climbs out of the hole under where the Visser was previously standing.]

CASSIE: What an unexpected turn of events!

MARCO: Yes, that's what plot-holes tend to do when an author is in a bind!

AX: Augh! My intelligent Andalite microchip-installed brain has no knowledge of this so called "Plot-hole"!

ELLIMIST: HAH! NOT SO BRIGHT NOW, ARE WE ANDALITE???

RACHEL: Okay, you know what? Shut up. Just shut UP.

ELLIMIST: WELL I WAS-

  
RACHEL: Up! Shaddup!

ELLIMIST: WHAT I MEAN-

RACHEL: Zip it!

ELLIMIST: DON'T YOU TELL ME-

RACHEL: I'm warning you…

[Ellimist and Rachel argue in background.]

[Meanwhile, all other Animorphs demorph.]

JAKE: Well, I'm glad that's over with!

HB: Ah, not quite yet Jakey. You still have to unclog the drain system!

TOBIAS: I thought we just did!

HB: Nope, you just got Visser Three out of the way. Well, actually, the Plot-Hole Wand™ and me did it. [Points to wand.]

MARCO: Alright already! Geez, just take us to the cloggage!!!

HB:… uh… okay…

[So Hanni lead the Animorphs on the REAL drainage system…]

            (A/n) Okay, that's all I'm writing in this chapter for now. Wow, my muse was on over drive there! Thank you, O Lemon Drop God… The next chapter will be the last, and it will not only finish up the story, but it will also give a special individual thanks to EVERY person who reviewed. Once again, this is Hanni B, TCLDOW, signing off. -_-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


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